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What are the Love languages?

Updated: Dec 4, 2022

Have you ever argued with your partner only to feel like you're getting nowhere? You thought you had found the perfect solution, but it ultimately didn't help. It could be that you both speak a different love language and understanding your partner’s primary love language can help you understand how to make them feel loved.


What is a love language? In the early 1990s, Gary Chapman wrote a book called 'The 5 Love Languages' and it has recently gained a lot of renewed attention thanks to TikTok. In the book, he argued that there are five ways to express and experience love. Since then, the book has become very popular, especially among couples who are looking to improve their relationship.


What are the Love languages by Talens Health

Many couples counsellors and relationship therapists analyse their clients' love languages to help them understand and break down their differences. According to the 5 love languages, each of us gives and receives love in a different way.


Understanding the love languages and identifying your own as a couple can help you to better understand each other and the reasons why you are sometimes unable to resolve conflicts. It also allows you to start expressing love in ways that are more meaningful for your partner, which can help you nurture a deeper connection with one another.


The 5 Love Languages


Words of Affirmation


This love language is all about words of praise, appreciation, and encouragement. People who speak this love language need to hear words of affirmation from their partner in order to feel loved. If this is your love language, you crave hearing kind words from your partner and feel loved when they verbalise their affection for you.


Words of Affirmation are one of the love languages, explained by Talens Health Support Services, online therapy and counselling

This could be things like, "I love you", "I'm so proud of you", "Thank you for being my rock" or "I love how hard you work". If your partner's primary love language is Words of Affirmation, make sure you take the time to say things that will make them feel loved and appreciated.


Acts of Service


This love language is all about actions rather than words. People who speak this love language feel loved when their partner does things for them that show they care. If this is your language, nothing says "I love you" like taking care of something on your behalf or lending a helping hand when you need it most.


Acts of Service is one of the love languages, explained by Talens Health Support Services, online therapy and counselling

Things like cooking dinner, taking the dog for a walk, or doing the weekly shopping go a long way in this love language. If your partner's primary love language is Acts of Service, your relationship will benefit from you taking the time to do things that will make their life easier and show them how much you care.


Receiving Gifts


This love language is all about gifts. People who speak this love language feel loved when they receive gifts from their partner, whether those gifts are big or small. It doesn't have to be an expensive or extravagant gift, it could be something as simple as a card or a bouquet of flowers.


Receiving Gifts is one of the love languages, explained by Talens Health Support Services, online therapy and counselling

If gifts are your love language, it's not about the gift itself but rather the meaning behind it. Gestures like flowers "just because" or a note left on your pillow show that you're always thinking of them even when they're not around.


Quality Time


This love language is all about giving someone your undivided attention. People who speak this love language feel loved when they have the attention of their partner. This means putting away phones, turning off TVs, and really focusing on being present with each other. If quality time is important to you, nothing speaks louder than spending uninterrupted time together, whether it be going on a walk, sharing a meal, or cuddling on the couch.


Quality Time is one of the love languages, explained by Talens Health Support Services, online therapy and counselling

If your partner's primary love language is Quality Time, make sure you take the time to put aside distractions and give them your full attention. It's about being present in the moment with each other and shutting out the rest of the world.


Physical Touch


This love language is synonymous with physical affection like hugs, cuddles, kisses and massages - anything that makes you feel close to your partner both physically and emotionally. People who speak this love language feel loved when they have physical contact with their partner such as holding hands or cuddling. For some people, sex is also an important part of this language as it deepens the intimacy between partners. However, it's important to note that physical touch doesn't always have to be sexual; non-sexual touches like holding hands or placing a hand on their back can also be meaningful forms of affection.


Physical Touch is one of the love languages, explained by Talens Health Support Services, online therapy and counselling

If your partner's primary love language is Physical Touch, make sure you take the time to physically connect with them in a way that feels meaningful to them.


How love language can help improve your relationship


Everyone experiences and expresses love differently. By understanding the different love languages, you can better understand how your partner experiences love and what you can do to make them feel loved and appreciated. Do you know what your partner's primary love languages are? If not, ask them! It could be eye-opening for both of you and help improve your relationship in the long run.


Understanding your own love language as well as your partner's can go a long way in creating a happy and healthy relationship built on mutual understanding and respect. By taking the time to learn about each other's needs, wants, and expectations, you can avoid misunderstandings and build a strong foundation for a lifetime of love.


How love language can help improve your relationship by Talens Health

Individuals can often have different love languages for giving and receiving love, so it is important to be mindful of both perspectives when analysing your love language. With a little effort and dedication, understanding the different love languages can help you create a strong connection with your partner and make sure that both of your needs are met


The key to expressing love is communication. Talk with your partner about what makes them feel loved and appreciated in order to make sure you both feel connected. It may seem small, but taking the time to understand each other's love languages can make a big difference in your relationship and create a stronger bond between the two of you


Improving Through Couples Counselling


Couples counselling can be an excellent way to explore each other's love languages. Your counsellor can help you explore your thoughts and feelings towards each other, and work with you to better understand each other’s needs and wants. As part of couples counselling, you can also learn effective communication techniques and conflict resolution strategies that will help ensure your relationship is strong even during times of disagreement or tension. Additionally, this type of counselling can assist a couple in developing trust, boosting self-confidence within the relationship and creating an environment for open and honest communication. Find out more in these articles about how couples counselling works and if it's right for you.


Improving Through Couples Counselling and a Talens Health BACP Registered counsellor


Finding a qualified, experienced counsellor who is the right fit for you can make all the difference in your journey to a healthier relationship. Talens Health Support Services has many BACP registered counsellors, who specialise in helping couples to improve their relationships and to create a better and healthier relationship dynamic. Our team of experienced counsellors are here to help you on your journey towards a successful, happy and healthy relationship. Contact us today to find out how we can support you.

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